Drunk Food.

There’s a reason why it’s called drunk food and should only be eaten when you’re drunk.

Not completely sober in broad daylight.

But birthday boy Jeffrey wanted to have his birthday “dinner” at Sumo Grub in Berkeley. So not exactly a birthday dinner, but a meeting point to fill our stomachs with food before heading to a full night of drinking (not kidding on the full night). I was interested in this place, so I figured, why not.

With an entire menu full of items for less than $10, your money can really stretch here, but also your waistline.

We’re talking about fried mac and cheese (one bite and I had enough), fried pizza (!), fried Twinkies (not bad) and everything else under the sun, fried, or as they like to keep it classy, “tempura.”

OK OK, so they do have other non-fried food stuff, like spam and egg sandwiches (way too salty) and teriyaki chicken rice plates.

But they also have four insane food challenges. This is where it gets pricey ($>45) and perhaps, pricier if you end up in the hospital:

Six Feet Under Challenge
1 bun, 6 tempura 1⁄4 lb. beef patties, 6 toppings of choice, 2 onion rings, sliced tomato and romaine lettuce, 5 tempura Twinkies, 10 tempura Oreos, whip cream, Hershey chocolate syrup, and 2 pieces of tempura Mac and cheese

Tempura Triple Bypass Challenge
3 buns, 9 tempura 1⁄4 lb. beef patties, 6 onion rings, sliced tomatoes, romaine lettuce, and 3 toppings of your choice

Tempura Mega Mac and Cheese Challenge
12 tempura mac and cheese, drenched in cheddar cheese and “sumo sauce”

Tempura or Die Challenge
1 tempura cheesecake, 2 tempura vanilla ice creams, 6 tempura Twinkies, 12 tempura Oreos, whip cream, and Hershey chocolate syrup

Are you still with me or are you about to throw up too?

After reading these challenges, I (stupidly) wanted to go the sort-of-healthy route and picked tofu Kimchi tacos. Tofu was supposed to be the healthy part, but I should have known. The cubes of tofu were of course, fried. They were so deeply fried that it became tough; the salty mayo couldn’t even mask it. The thick tortillas were cold. And where was the Kimchi? They must have forgotten it. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise, since the Kimchi would probably taste nothing like the normal Kimchi I’ve had.

The one fried dessert I was actually anxious about was the tempura Twinkie. It was warm, so the middle creamy part was extra gooey and incased in slightly crunchy batter. One was definitely more than enough. I felt as though I ate an entire stick of butter. It’s worth a shot if you’ve never had it before.

I shouldn’t take this place seriously and neither should you. It’s a kitschy place if you’re craving salty and fried food after a late night of drinking. And affordable. It was definitely the cheapest birthday dinner I’ve ever spent. ;)

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